We've all experienced standing in the kitchen thinking about dieting and losing weight and being healthier WHILST eating chocolate, and still we put more in our mouths.
At the end of the day, we are all responsible individually for what we eat, and we all have different reasons for picking up food in the first place. Those of us who have become overweight have done that because of one reason - we've eaten too much.
But we shouldn't confuse this with gluttony. "Too much" is a very subjective term, due to metabolic rates, exercise levels and lifestyles, we all use up fuel at different rates. Eating too much is just about eating more than we burn off. For some of us, like me, this is just a habitual enjoyment of life, eating a few too many calories at every meal. Not particularly unhealthy eating, few pies and chips, but maybe an extra knob of butter on the veg, a dessert most nights, a glass of wine (or several) every day. For others, it's boom and bust, overeating on occasions, often triggered by an event or an emotion.
We then try and control our subsequent actions - eating disorders show the extremes of this, but there are many ways in which we take such control - increasing exercise, dieting strictly for the days afterwards, cutting out booze on weekdays, all in an effort to redress the balance.
But what happens when you can't control the balance any longer. When you've put on 1/2 stone a year for 20 years, or lost a stone and put on one and a half? That's when we get to a stage when we really do say "enough is enough" and mean it. That's the point when something inside your brain flips, and you start on a diet with a determination that comes from the ether, and is like nothing you've felt before. It's that mental state which signals you're really ready to diet, and which will keep you going through the difficult bits.
I've been in that state twice. The first time I lost 4 stone on a very low fat, chemically assisted diet (using Orlistat which decreases fat absorption). It took me a year and whilst it wasn't particularly difficult, it wasn't particularly easy either.
And there's now. The switch in my head was flicked when I got dressed for work and my trousers were too tight. There was no way I putting on any more of the 4 stones I'd lost, and I decided to do this plan.
I'm not finding it hard. This is partly because I'm "in the zone" as they say these days, and partly because of the support - not just at clinic, but mostly from the forum where I spill my beans (metaphorically, because I don't have any beans at the moment) about everything, and I discover I am not alone and I am not abnormal.
In a society that is about being normal, and which is increasingly ostracising obesity, it's easy to feel marginalised and penalised when you're overweight. But I was glad to learn that I wasn't the only person who picked cafes based on whether the chairs had arms or not, or selected a route to the toilet that involved the fewest squeezes between chairs. And I was also glad to learn that I could change it.
So now I'm celebrating not being morbidly obese anymore, I'm celebrating the fact that I'm back in control, and learning to eat less and being happy with it. I'm celebrating feeling and looking better, being healthier and smaller. I still have a bit of way to go - and the daunting task of maintaining my new weight, but I'm pleased with where I've got to and happy that I'm working on my mind as well as my body.
I feel so much better now that's out of my head.
Thank you for listening.
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